I feel myself slipping…
I had a good 10 days: the gym, Jalie’s party, etc. But then all the good seemed to start falling away like the leaves at the change of seasons, and my mood began to slip from summer warmth to the crisp coolness of a fall evening. Now here I am 2 days later in the midst of a blizzard.
It has been over a month since I began clawing my way up from rock bottom. It seems just when I begin to gain some ground I start slipping back down again. I still have 11 days until my first therapy session. How can I make it? I feel disgusting. I’ve spent 3 weeks working my ass of at the gym and I feel fatter somehow, as if it is all for naught. I feel amazing when I first leave the gym, but then I get home and I see the mirror or the clothes that feel so small no matter what I do. I just want to live in baggy t-shirts and elastic waistbands. I want to eat chocolate lava cake and butter drenched lobster; I want to reclaim my ass divot! I’m just tired, so incredibly tired….
Anything worth having doesn'tcome easily...not even comfort in your own skin after a trauma. This too shall pass, and when you come out the other side, you will be amazed by what you lived through and how it changed you...
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie I am so sorry for this hard time. No matter how you feel about yourself you have to remember God created YOU wonderful (Ps. 139:13-16). Although I have not gone through your situation I know we serve a BIG God who can do far more than we can imagine. Ps 147:3 says "He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." This is a PROMISE not a suggestion He WILL do it. Remember to cast your cares on Him. Yes it is hard but he is waiting for you call on your Daddy (Abba) curl up on his lap and receive his healing.
ReplyDeletePraying for you.