(warning: I was as vague as possible but this still may constitute TMI for some people)
It is our 5th anniversary. Just wanted to get that out there for anyone who didn’t know, wanted to mark their calendar, or pick up a gift…
I took a test today: a test I completely expected to fail, a test was supposed to put off until Monday…but when I cried through an entire Yoga class today I thought I’d better do something. The test was positive. My first reactions: Shock, awe, elation, and panic, in that exact order.
I guess in order to explain those reactions I should provide some background first. I planned to test this past Monday or Tuesday, but I started cramping on Saturday and figured it was useless. When my little friend still had not shown up by Monday I started to wonder. Tuesday morning though my hopes were dashed by a color I did not want to see, so I assumed it was a bad month and tried to move on. But the color was not seen again that day….until Wednesday morning, another appearance, same assumption on my part. But the color did not show its face again that day either. This brings us to this morning and Yoga…
I was shocked the test was positive because I was not expecting it. I just thought my cycle had gone all Kaflooey on me (that is the technical term, btw). I was in awe of God’s wondrous ability to surprise us with answered prayers. I was elated that we were finally receiving the blessing we had been praying for for almost 2 years. I was panicked because, well, because it was not what I expected for good reason based on the aforementioned symptoms so how could it be and if it really was true then what are the chances of a horrible repeat? Did you catch that: how I praised God with one breath and turned right around and questioned him in the next? What kind of a Christian am I???
Needless to say it has been and continues to be a rough day, Jason and I agreed to keep this information close to the vest until we see a peanut with a heartbeat, but if you are reading this before mid-September than we didn’t do a very good job. Part of me doesn’t want to say it out loud for fear of being wrong or for all the explanations to follow if I am wrong. The other part of me wants to tell every single person I know and to ask for their prayers and kind word to get us through the next 3-4 weeks. I guess the date on this post will tell you what our decision was in the end. No matter the date, please keep us and our new little peanut in your prayers and ask God to give me the strength to keep myself from panicking, going crazy, losing my mind, or driving my husband to lose his!
